


The Librarian and the Maybe-Bisexual Bookworm

by Meikakuna



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Drama, F/F, High School, Kinda, Lesbian, Librarians, Romance, Self-Discovery, Teacher-Student Relationship, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24837397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meikakuna/pseuds/Meikakuna
Summary: Yukari is a hardworking student who manages to balance her studies with her relationship with a boy. Things start to change when she meets her high school's young, beautiful new librarian IA. Yukari asks her to help her find a lesbian-themed novel like one she's read and all goes well until she realises she might be more like the characters in those novels than she thought.
Relationships: IA/Yuzuki Yukari
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Self-discovery is like finding a book in a new genre.

The library was quiet as usual, and Yukari couldn’t be more mad.

Exams were looming over everyone. Or maybe just her since no one was here studying. No groaning over a difficult question, no asking friends for help, not even distracted chatter about the latest meme. It was just her and the librarian.

Yukari brought a chunky book to the back of the room and rang the bell. She would wonder how anyone could hear its tiny tinkle, but then she remembered that no one was here to drown out the sound with inane conversation.

The room was so quiet that the next sound almost caused Yukari to drop her book. In the room behind the librarian’s desk, dozens of books thudded the ground. Yukari heard a squeak of pain.

A moment later, a woman who barely looked older than Yukari opened the door and made her way to the desk, straightening her uniform and wiping the books’ dust off her shoulders. Her blonde, almost pink hair was so long that Yukari could only see a part of it as the rest of it disappeared behind the desk. Her smile was small but somehow dimples were visible on her chubby cheeks. Despite those cheeks, the rest of her body was so thin she seemed more like a wisp of light than a real person grounded in this reality. Her unbelievably pale skin added to this impression. Her big eyes were the colour of harvestbells and the more Yukari described this girl in her head, the more she realised that she was standing there staring at this person she was 55% sure didn’t really exist.

“Sorry for the wait. Are you looking to borrow a book?” 

Maybe she did exist.

The woman’s voice caressed Yukari’s ears. The library was designed specifically not to echo and yet the woman’s voice seemed to echo on its own. It was high-pitched, but less in a nasal way and more in an operatic way, though even in this empty room it didn’t sound loud enough to fill a theatre.

Yukari gulped and looked down. “Uh, I was actually wondering if you had any recommendations. I’m looking for a novel similar to this one.” She raised her head. “I’m still doing school work, I swear! I won’t read it until after exams are done.”

The woman’s giggles embraced Yukari. “It’s okay. I won’t judge.” The woman’s eyes somehow managed to grow even wider. “Oh, and, uh, I’m kind of new here. First day. I don’t really know enough of what’s here to make any recommendations.”

“Oh, um…. I guess I’ll just...” Yukari said, throwing the book in the returns box and galloping away.

“Wait!” The woman called out. Yukari did as she commanded. “Um, what did you like about this book? I could recommend something I’ve read and see if it’s here.”

Yukari’s cheeks changed from the paleness of ghosts to the bright shade of poppies. “It was… a strange book. It was about a Japanese woman meeting an Australian florist during World War One. I… I’m not gay or anything, but I was wondering if there were any other books about a romance between two women. You don’t see that too often, so it stood out.”

The woman grinned. “You’ve come to the right person! I’ve got loads of books like that in my collection.” Yukari clenched her teeth to stop her jaw from dropping. “Do you want to read another historical lesbian romance or a lesbian romance about flowers or maybe just a regular modern lesbian romance?”

It took Yukari a moment to process what she was asking as the frequent casual use of the word ‘lesbian’ threw her off.

“Oh, uh, I don’t mind.” 

The librarian leaned over her desk to get a good look at Yukari. “Hmmm…. I think ‘Rentica’ by Ikamusume Hunter would be a good fit for you.” She typed into her computer and frowned. “... and it’s not here. Sorry. Oh, um…” She lowered the volume of her voice despite no one else being there. “You could always borrow it from me. Come here after exams are done and I’ll lend it to you.”

Yukari nodded. “Thank you, miss…”

The woman laughed. “You can call me IA.”

When Yukari headed back to the table she was studying at, she heard a beep on her phone and saw a message.

_ Hey babe, wanna hang out tonight ;) - Roro row your boat _

Yukari smiled. Roro still hadn’t changed that punny text signature even after his grades in English started slipping. She remembered the adorably awkward time he tried to explain the joke to her in Japanese.

Her smile dropped when she looked back at IA, who was struggling to keep the pile of books in her arms balanced kept dropping them.

Yukari passed all of her exams, though just barely in home ec. She headed to the library after getting her marks back.

IA chuckled and rubbed the back of her neck. “I forgot to bring it. I guess I should have been more specific about which date you should have come here. Would you be able to wait until the library closes? We can head back to my place and I can give it to you there.”

Yukari’s cheeks reddened. “Is that allowed?”

IA tilted her head to the side like a dog failing to understand a command. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

Yukari grinned her concern away. 

After IA locked the library entrance, she led Yukari to her old car with bits of paint missing. Yukari pushed the take away boxes off her seat. 

IA smirked at the wheel and sped to their destination. Yukari had to hold onto the door to keep herself from accidentally ramming into it. 

IA’s house was a tiny apartment with piles of books on the floor. She somehow knew where everything was and found ‘Rentica’ with ease. It was a thin book with a ghost silhouette filled with a floral pattern on the cover.

“It’s a romance between a working woman and a strange woman she thinks might be a ghost but doesn’t know for certain. Enjoy.”

“T-thank you. So, um, I’m sorry if this is rude, but I didn’t expect you to have a car like that.”

“Oh, I like to save money wherever I can. Books don’t grow on trees. Well, actually they technically do, but not direct…. Anyway, I hope you like the book. Do you need me to drive you home?”

Yukari shook her head. “My boyfriend lives near here.”

IA had an expression Yukari never imagined seeing on her. Her smile was still there, but it was smaller and didn’t show her teeth. The outer corners of her eyes were creased and her eyebrows were furrowed. 

“Oh. Of course. I, uh, hope things go well with him.”

Silence followed. Yukari froze for a moment, then bowed and left without saying a word.

She rang Roro’s doorbell and when he didn’t open the door, she kept pressing the buzzer over and over again.

When he finally opened it, and he only partially opened it, Yukari giggled. He was wearing pyjamas that were way too big for him and his cotton candy hair was a mess.

“Good morning,” she said with a smirk.

Roro glared at her. “You saw me at school today.”

“So, uh, can I hang out for a bit?”

The boy looked behind him. “I don’t know if this is a great time. I’m kinda watching a show and it’s getting really good. You can watch it with me if you want, but it’s near the end so you might be a tad confused.”

“It’s okay. I’ve got a book I can read.”

“You came all the way here to read a book?”

Yukari chuckled. “I was already doing something near here and thought I’d drop by.”

Roro opened the door wider. “Okay, I guess.”

When they got to the living room, Roro sat down on the couch and Yukari sat on a beanbag. For the first few pages of the book she kept getting distracted by the dialogue on the show, but after that she was hooked.

She started to pick up on a few similarities between the characters and her and IA. The ghostlike girl had a similar physical description to what IA looked like and was incredibly friendly. The main character didn’t look like Yukari but had the same love of books. She was also a little shy, spending a good chunk of the story trying to muster the courage to talk to the other woman.

The writing was simple and Yukari managed to get through half of it before Roro finished his show. In fact, it just stopped after she reached the book couple’s first kiss.

Roro slid down the couch and sat next to Yukari, kissing her on the cheek. She turned her head and kissed him on the lips.

Soon enough tongue was added and both people’s breaths became louder. 

Something strange happened. After a while, Yukari forgot who she was kissing and thought about the kiss scene in the book. 

For a while she felt as if she was kissing a blonde woman with pale skin.

When she returned to reality, she pushed Roro away. Her head was spinning and her breaths quickened almost to the point of hyperventilation. 

She covered her mouth, trying to push the image of IA out of her head. She silently swore. She was familiar with these heart palpitations. They were the same as when she first started having feelings for Roro.

“Um, I… I have to go.”

“Why? Did I do something wrong?”

Yukari shook her head. “I’ll see you at school.”

She ran out of the house with her book. She raced home on foot despite knowing the long distance ahead of her.

‘I’m not a lesbian. I’m not a lesbian! I like Roro! What the hell’s wrong with me?’

When she finally reached home, she jumped on her laptop and searched, ‘how to know if lesbian’. She found a lot of stories that didn’t fit her own. Most of the girls online had always felt different but couldn’t put their finger on why. They told stories about having a boyfriend they felt nothing towards. And some of them said they had crushes on female celebrities and classmates when they were as young as eight years old.

However, one person’s advice struck a chord. ‘If you’re questioning your sexuality, you might not be gay. Consider the other labels out there, such as bisexual, asexual and pansexual.’

_ Such as bisexual, asexual and pansexual. _

_ Such as bisexual. _

_ Bisexual. _

Yukari’s entire body shook. She didn’t even need to look into the other sexualities, although a tiny logical part of her thought she should. She found the word and that word made tears fall down her cheeks.

She pictured her parents towering over her, shaking their heads before disappearing. She imagined Roro crying. She could see her female classmates shuffling their chairs a few inches further away.

However, after a few seconds of sobbing she smiled. She felt as if she had been welcomed into a club. This weird girl crush may have been just that- a crush, and given her pre-existing relationship a forbidden one- but a discovery about herself was still a discovery. She felt like she had stumbled upon a book in an entirely new genre.

Yukari opened her book from where she was up to and read the rest of the story, kicking everyone from Roro and her other classmates to her parents out of her mind. It was just her and the ghostlike librarian.


	2. Coming out is like telling someone about a book you’ve been reading in secret because it doesn’t seem like ‘your kind’ of story.

Yukari took a deep breath before entering the library. Just her luck. There were several people inside. She started walking towards the librarian’s desk but swerved towards a bookshelf. She looked behind her and saw IA, who waved at her.

Oh god, she waved at her.

Yukari just started nodding with the exaggeration of a bobblehead. After almost half a minute of this, she turned her head and focused on the bookshelf. 

She wasn’t looking for any book in particular, but she needed to do something to stop herself from staring at the librarian. The more she stared, the more the memory of the previous week’s fantasy would be able to crawl into her brain.

After a minute of staring into space, she realised she was in the mathematics section. She scrunched up her nose. If anyone were to say that being good at something makes you like it, she would throw these hefty books at them. 

She looked down at the book in her hand and remembered the main character’s struggle to talk to the ghostlike woman.

She turned around and lurched towards IA, debating whether to walk like she usually did or in a casual, breezy way.

IA smirked at her. “Do you like maths?”

Yukari snorted like a horse. “Of course. I love me some numbers. Trig is seriously underrated. Yeah.”

IA chuckled. “Calm down.”

Yukari held her head. IA eyed the book in her hand and reached for it. Yukari bit back a gasp when cold fingers brushed against her hand.

“Did you like it?” IA asked. Yukari, still looking down, nodded. “Who was your favourite character?”

“Why make me choose?” Yukari replied. “Tsukino Shion is a really relatable main character, but Kanbara Sora is a lot like… hey, how did you know my name? My name’s a lot like Shion’s.”

“It is?”

Yukari stepped back. She squinted her eyes at IA, who had her head tilted like a dog again.

“I’m Yuzuki Yukari. You… didn’t know?”

IA stood up and bowed. “I’m sorry for not asking for your name earlier. I keep getting…distracted whenever we talk.”

_ I keep getting distracted whenever we talk. _

_ I keep getting distracted. _

_ Distracted. _

Yukari felt like something exploded in her head, sending a blast of heat that reached from her neck up to her ears.

She coughed. “So, uh, books. Gotta love ‘em. And music… music’s pretty… dope. It’s like oxygen. Everyone needs it in their lives.”

She mentally kicked herself.

IA sat back down and typed into the computer. “Are there  _ any _ good books here?” She covered her mouth. “Forget I said that,” she said with her hand still on her mouth. She took it off and sighed. “Yuka… Miss Yuzuki, do you like jazz music?”

“I haven’t really listened to it. Why?”

“Well, you mentioned music and I remembered this lesbian romance novel about a spoiled pop star who meets a struggling jazz musician. The descriptions of the songs are really good. It’s like you can actually hear them, even though they’re just words on paper. Would you be able to come to my place again to pick it up?”

IA’s eyes widened in realisation. “Oh, is it okay to recommend you new books? You’re probably sick of reading lesbian romance novels since you’ve got a boyfriend.”

Yukari bit her lip. “What’s my boyfriend got to do with it?”

IA scratched the back of her ear and looked away, frowning. “Never mind.”

“I’m fine with reading that sort of stuff. Recommend away.”

IA beamed at Yukari, who, under her powerful gaze, started fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

Yukari asked, “Do you like jazz?”

“I didn’t care much about it at first, but after reading the book, I started getting really interested in it. Isn’t it amazing how books can do that? It’s like every book is a new interest or hobby waiting to be discovered.”

The sky turned indigo and IA locked up the library, once again taking Yukari to her car. 

At the apartment, IA handed her a book with two women holding hands, one kissing the cheek of the other. In one woman’s remaining hand was a microphone and for the other woman it was a trumpet.

IA turned on a CD player in the room. The notes of a trombone and double bass filled the room.

“Do you have anywhere to be? Would you like to read here for a bit?”

“What are  _ you _ going to do?”

IA picked a book from one of the piles called ‘Club Majesty’. “This will do for me.”

Yukari sat on the one couch in the apartment, taking off a pile of books that rested on it. IA slumped into the couch, opening her own book while existing in the grey area between sitting and lying down.

The language of the romance novel in Yukari’s hands was a bit more intricate than the previous novel IA gave Yukari but it wasn’t too difficult to read.

The jazz music in the background lulled Yukari into a trancelike state as she let the story envelop her. She felt like she was sleep-reading and yet she was able to take in the story as if she had the concentration of a lawyer looking for holes in a witness’ story.

She was eventually broken out of her trance when IA rolled onto her back and raised her legs up against the couch’s back. IA bit her lip and stared at the book like it was written all in the most difficult of kanji characters. Yukari had to force herself to breathe, something she forgot to do as she watched her. She blushed as she stared at her lips.

She chuckled as she looked at the page IA was on. “I thought a librarian would be able to read the furigana.” She almost pointed out that furigana was usually in books for kids but didn’t want to get kicked out of the apartment.

IA said nothing, turning the page. It took her only half a minute before she turned the page again. 

Yukari took a closer look at the new page before IA once again turned it. It was a bizarre chase scene involving a car chasing a pig with a sack full of cash on its back. It was-

IA turned the page. “Hey, it was just getting good,” Yukari blurted out. She held her head down. “Um… sorry.”

IA turned her head and lightly poked Yukari’s forehead. “Silly girl. No need to apologise. Maybe you can borrow this one from me next time.”

Yukari smiled. She took a few moments to gain the courage to poke IA’s foot.

IA kicked the air, cackling like a middle-aged woman after one too many glasses of Syrah. 

She dropped her book and pounced on Yukari, tickling the underarms. This developed into a bonafide tickle match.

Yukari laughed so hard she snorted, which caused both women to laugh even harder. After they stopped, they stared at each other silently. IA leaned in closer.

Yukari felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. A mysterious shiver swam down her body and her cheeks were as hot as newly toasted bread. She breathed in and out slowly.

IA’s eyes grew before she shut them and backed away.

“Um, sorry, I… uh… you should go back to… whatshisname… your boyfriend.”

Yukari stood up and bowed. She grabbed her book and gave IA one last small smile before leaving the apartment.

She went straight home instead of Roro’s place. There was no way she was going to read a book with that kind of cover in front of him.

Her phone buzzed and she frowned when she saw the message.

_ How’re you doing, beautiful? Wanna hang out?- Roro row your boat _

She didn’t reply. Her fingers tingled, yearning to tell him about everything, but she put her phone back in her pocket to prevent herself from oversharing. This was her battle to fight.

She read the book she was lended on her bed, hiding it under the covers whenever she heard her parent’s footsteps close in on her. Her parents never opened the door.

The book was a lot longer than the previous one so she stayed up until 3 A.M finishing it. When she finally finished it, she started pulling at the roots of her hair.

She hadn’t done any homework.

She managed to complete her homework after a few hours and went to school with bags under her eyes. Her hands shook whenever she used them and she jumped out of her skin when Roro put a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Yukari nodded and looked away from him.

Life began to form a pattern. Go to school tired, avoid Roro’s queries, return IA’s book to her, go to her place to find a new one, read it until the early hours of the morning and for god’s sake don’t let your parents know, do homework, get two hours of sleep at best, repeat the cycle. This happened for a good three weeks.

Each time Roro kissed her during lunchtime, Yukari felt the magic a little less. She started reminiscing over the days when the two of them were friends.

Yukari began to notice a few things about IA. Her apartment had an unplugged microphone and a keyboard. Her fridge was covered with sketches of monsters with crowns on them, ranging from medusa to demons and all from the same artist. The magnets that held them up were souvenirs from Greece. She had a to-do list with the most basic of functions such as ‘brush your teeth, you dingus’ and ‘if you don’t eat breakfast, you will starve to death before you get to meet a cute girl’. In the latter one, a line went through the words ‘before you get to meet a cute girl’. Yukari felt as if she had been split in half, one side uplifted and the other brought down to the depths of wherever the demon in that drawing came from.

After those three weeks, Roro took her aside after class and brought her to the empty music room.

He coughed an ‘ahem’. “Now that I have your attention, I want to ask you something. What the hell is going on with you?”

Yukari looked at the door behind her and stepped backwards but Roro grabbed her arm. His grip was gentle. 

“Please… whatever’s going on, please let me know. Did I do something wrong?” Yukari gulped, saying nothing. “Please, just talk to me.” 

Yukari rubbed her eyes with her forearm. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.”

“Then is there anything I can do to help you? You’re not yourself anymore.” He said that last sentence with the face of a rabbit seeing a buzzard and his voice was hoarse, as if it was a struggle to say anything.

Yukari took her arm away from her face and allowed tears to just fall down freely.

“It’s something I have to figure out on my own.”

“But I can-”

“Not when the problem’s got to do with you!”

“But you just said it’s not my-”

“It’s my fault. If only I wasn’t so selfish.”

“What’s going on with y-”

“I like someone else!” 

Roro let go of her and stepped backwards, his hands quivering. Yukari sat on the piano chair and held her head in her hands. Her body shook as she cried. Roro sat next to her, trying to ignore the discomfort of sitting on the corner. He held his hand in the air for a while before placing in on her head and stroking her hair.

“Who’s the lucky guy? Is he in our class?” His voice was slow and ponderous, as if he was trying to hold in his own tears.

“It’s… a girl. You know the new librarian?”

Roro took his hand off her hair, recoiling from shock.

“Wait, so did you… I don’t know… pretend to like me so you don’t have to admit you like girls or something?”

Yukari shook her head, still looking down. “I liked you. Liked. Past tense. I’m…” She took a deep breath. “...bisexual. I’m really sorry. I should still like you, but… this girl’s just taken over my emotions and… I feel like there’s no room in me for any romantic feelings for anyone else.” She kept repeating the word ‘sorry’ in between sobs.

Roro was silent for a while. He stood up and wiped his tears away, looking down at the ground and silently wishing the floor would collapse and take him with it.

“I… never pegged you for one of those girls. It doesn’t seem like the type of thing you’d be into.”

Yukari looked up and saw Roro silently leaving the room.

He didn’t talk to her for the rest of the day. When she returned another book to IA and they headed to her apartment, she burst into tears in her car.

She told her about the breakup but didn’t explain the reason for it. IA stopped the car in a parking lane and reached over to hug her, stroking her hair much like Roro did, though this time Yukari actually noticed it and felt her cheeks heat up.

The two stayed there for a few moments, the only sounds being their breaths. It was just her and the ghostlike librarian who seemed more real with each passing day.


	3. Confessing to someone is like telling them about a book that’s your guilty pleasure

IA let go abruptly. “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate of me.”

Yukari croaked, “It’s okay.” She felt as if her skin was on fire. She took a few deep breaths and wiped her tears away.

IA tapped her fingers rapidly against the steering wheel. She looked down at her lap with drooping eyes and sighed.

“Are you okay?” Yukari asked.

IA’s eyes grew and she lifted her head, putting on a smile.

“Of course I am. You’re here, aren’t you?”

This comment sent the warmth from Yukari’s skin to her heart. She smiled and turned her head, covering her mouth.

IA started the car and continued driving as if nothing had happened. Yukari had gotten used to the speed at which she drove by now, but she remained on the lookout for speed limit signs and reminded IA of them whenever they passed one. IA slowed down a bit.

“Please don’t be upset when I ask this, but why do you drive so quickly?” Yukari asked.

IA chuckled. “I don’t know. I’m just always so excited to get to a different place that it kind of takes over me. If you weren’t here to bring me back to my senses, I don’t know what I’d do.”

Yukari’s smile grew bigger.

At the apartment, IA wiggled her fingers for a while before taking a book off her shelf.

She immediately returned it to the shelf. Then she took it out again.

“Okay, this one’s… Don’t judge me.”

She handed it to Yukari while turning her head with her closed eyes scrunched up.

Yukari gulped. It was a pulp novel that appeared to be translated into Japanese. The cover had two women in lingerie, one brunette lying on a bed and the other, blonde, sitting behind her with a mischievous expression. In the corner of the room they were in was a table with a coat and a magnifying glass on it.

IA’s cheeks turned red. “Don’t get the wrong idea! It’s more than just love scenes. I wouldn’t show it to you if it was just that since, you know, that would be kind of weird. It’s a really intriguing mystery and has an interesting romance between the detective…” She pointed to the brunette. “... and the femme fatale she suspects is the murderer.” She moved her finger to the blonde. “It’s surprisingly good for a pulp novel, but the cover makes it a bit of a guilty pleasure. It has some more mature scenes but they’re not that often.”

Yukari’s chest began to hurt from her heart pounding too hard. She nodded and held the book against her chest.

“I’ll give it a go. I’m eighteen, so I think I can handle it.”

“Good.” IA’s eyebrows were furrowed as if she felt guilty about something. “If you feel uncomfortable reading it, you’re not obligated to read the rest. You can just return it to me and we can forget I ever lent it to you.”

“I said it’s fine.”

The two fell silent, just standing there and looking away from each other. 

IA gulped loudly. “Okay. I hope you enjoy reading it.”

Yukari nodded and bowed before leaving the apartment. 

As she headed home she passed Roro’s house and frowned. Her own eyebrows furrowed with guilt, but she continued walking.

When she finally made it home, she had dinner with her family. After that, she put her pyjamas on, lied down in bed and stared at her ceiling. One question tugged at her mind.

‘Would it be wrong for her to date me?’

There was no age issue, at least in terms of the law, as IA was twenty-two and she was eighteen, but Yukari was still a student at the school IA worked at. Then again, it wasn’t like IA was her teacher or anything like that. 

She remembered what IA said.

_ “That was inappropriate of me.” _

Yukari sighed as Roro’s face popped into her head. Was that breakup all for nothing? 

She shook her head. He wouldn’t deserve to be led on like that. 

She opened the book and began reading it. Some parts of the novel were awkwardly worded, possibly as a result of a bad translation, but the mystery was as engaging as IA said it would be. 

When Yukari made it to the first love scene, her entire body went hot. Clunky wording aside, the scene was undeniably attractive to her, and she pictured IA as the blonde girl on the cover as she read the scene. Eventually, she dropped the book and fantasised on her own, the scenario in her mind getting more and more explicit.

When she was done fantasising, she continued reading until Roro’s frightened face entered her mind, convincing her to do homework. After that, she read a bit more until she went to sleep, which was around 11 or 12. It took around half an hour for her to fully fall asleep as the mystery of the novel consumed her mind.

As soon as she woke up, she read some more before her mother yelled at her to have breakfast and go to school.

She shoved the book in her school bag and did as her mother said. During class she kept getting distracted, trying to piece together the clues presented in the novel. She stared at Roro in the seat next to her. He looked back at her and frowned before turning his head and murmuring something she couldn’t hear. She felt her heart sink. 

When lunch started, she took her food with her to the library, saw the ‘no food’ sign and ran outside. She sat under a bridge from the classrooms to the club rooms and opened the book. 

She managed to get near the end. She was so close, and the answer to the mystery was only a few pages away-

And then a teacher walked up to her. He was tall and had eyebrows so thick it felt as if he could crush someone with them. She hid the book behind her back and the teacher scowled at her.

“Show me what you’ve got.”

Yukari groaned but complied, her hands shaking as she held the book up. The teacher raised an eyebrow. 

“Come with me to the Principal’s office.”

“I-It’s not what you think! It’s a mystery novel!”

“Nice try.”

Yukari stood up, trying her best not to cry. She followed him to the Principal’s office, which was inhabited by a short man with a toupee. The teacher handed him the book and the Principal’s eyebrows jumped through the roof. Yukari lowered her head and bit her lip.

“This is… I’ve never seen a girl bring this sort of material to school before. I’m going to have to call your parents.”

Yukari cried, “They don’t know! Please don’t tell them!”

The Principal shook his head. “This is very concerning. Now, where did you get this book?”

“That’s…” IA’s pearly white smile jumped into her mind. “I bought it.”

“And you brought this book here because…”

Yukari turned her head and scrunched up her eyes. 

“I wanted to get answers to the mystery in the book. It’s a murder mystery. Look at the magnifying glass on the cover.”

The Principal stared at the cover, trying to keep himself from smiling.

“I’ll have to confiscate this.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t think a girl like you should be reading something like this.”

“But… please…. I’m really sorry. I won’t bring it in again.”

“Well, since this is your first offence, I guess I can give it back at the end of the week.” He ran his thumb against the cover. “Yes, a week should do. You’ll have learnt your lesson by then. I’m still going to have to call your parents. Come here after school for a meeting. And if you try to leave school before then, I think this book will look nice on my shelf.”

Yukari bowed and left. She headed to the library, finishing her food on the way.

“IA, can I talk to you about the book?” 

IA nodded, leading her to the librarian’s office. Yukari took a deep breath and bowed again.

“I’m really sorry.” She explained what happened.

IA’s eyebrows were furrowed as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“I… I see. The one who should really be sorry is me. Giving you that book… how inappropriate of me. Should I… stop giving you these books? I went too far. I knew this was a bad idea.” Yukari noticed that there were bags under IA’s eyes. 

Yukari raised a trembling hand up to IA’s cheek.

“It’s okay. I… I don’t want to end the time we’ve spent together. I do have something to tell you, though. Hopefully it won’t end… whatever it is we have.”

IA turned away and took a book off the shelf, her breaths ragged. 

“I know what you’re going to say.” She and Yukari spoke at the same time. “You’re straight and feel weirded out by me giving you these books.”

“I like you. Could we maybe, I don’t know, go out for coffee sometime?”

IA dropped the book and whipped her head around.

“Could you… repeat that?”

Yukari’s cheeks went pink. “Well, I like you. You know that breakup with Roro? It was because I liked you more. You kind of made realise that I’m bisexual. I was thinking… maybe we could go out somewhere. I get it if you don’t want to! You probably want to keep your job. But we could keep it a secret if you want. But, you know, if you don’t want to… that’s cool… I’ll act cool as a cucumber. Cool as ice. Cool as… What am I saying?”

IA grinned and giggled, her eyes welling up with tears. She wrapped her arms around Yukari and started to cry on her shoulder.

“Thank you. Thank you so much!”

Yukari patted her head before stroking her hair.

“I-Is that a yes?”

“It has to be secret, though. Are you sure you want to worry about keeping secrets?”

Yukari chuckled. “So long as I don’t do anything as stupid as bringing a dirty book to school, I’ll be fine. By the way, please don’t spoil the ending. I didn’t get to finish it.” She released a short gasp. “Wait, can I tell Roro if he starts talking to me again? He already knows I like you and I know he won’t tell anyone.”

IA frowned and let go. “I… I guess. No one else, though. Not even your parents.”

Yukari eyes widened. “Oh god, my parents. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow since my parents are probably going to drag me home after this meeting. Thanks for reminding me.” Both her body and her voice shuddered as she shook her head like a dog trying to rid its fur of water after a bath.

IA took several books off the shelf and made a pile of them, giving them to Yukari, who stared at her with one eyebrow higher than the other.

IA winked. “We have to keep this a secret, right? Don’t want to arouse suspicion around me taking you to my office.”

Yukari nodded with a smile. She turned towards the door and breathed slowly. She took a few moments to appreciate the moment she shared with IA before having to deal with her parents. For a few more seconds it was just her and the ghostlike librarian who became her girlfriend.


	4. Going out with someone is like reading the same book repeatedly and finding something new to appreciate each time

Yukari walked out of the library and placed the pile of books onto the desk.

“Thanks for your help, Miss Yuzuki,” IA said with a wink. Yukari gave her a deadpan stare, hoping no one noticed IA’s obvious facial gesture. IA wrote on a piece of paper and handed it to her. It was her number.

The school bell rang. Yukari bowed and headed to class.

The class was boring, so she kept staring at Roro as if doing so would send him a telepathic message to stop ignoring her. It naturally didn’t work.

When school finished, she waited outside the Principal’s office for her parents.

Her father didn’t show up, but her mother stormed into the room and dug her nails into her arm as she grabbed it.

“What did you do? What did you do?”

Yukari said nothing, suddenly very interested in the patterns on the wooden floor. She tucked her lips in to prevent herself from crying.

“Speak to your mother. Are you listening to me?”

Still nothing. 

Her mother sat down with a huff. She let go of Yukari, cleaned her glasses with her turtleneck and crossed her arms and legs, tapping the air with her foot.

The Principal opened the door, tightening his loose tie and pushing his toupee into place, and welcomed the two in. 

The book was open and a few pages had creases on the corners. Yukari couldn’t help but glare at the Principal.

He shut the book and pushed it towards Yukari’s mother, who had one eyebrow up.

“Your daughter was caught reading this in school.”

Her mother looked at her, the book and finally the Principal.

“You must be joking. Why would my daughter bring something like this? She’s a good child.”

The Principal shrugged. “Maybe you should ask your daughter.”

Yukari’s mother glared at her. Yukari bowed her head. 

“I… I heard it was a good book and…”

Her mother turned her gaze from Yukari to the Principal.

“Will there be any punishment for this?”

The Principal shook his head. “I hesitate to give a first-time offender a punishment aside from confiscation, so long as their parents are able to discipline them. I’ll leave it up to you for now.”

Both Yukari and her mother stood up and bowed. As expected, Yukari’s mother dragged her out of the building and to the car. However, she didn’t start the car and simply sat, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She took off her glasses and stared into them as if an explanation would materialise in the lenses.

She spoke in a haunting quiet voice. “I’m glad you’re reading but I don’t understand what appeal that book would have to you. You’re not a… homosexual. I don’t know how you could look at a cover like that and decide that book’s worth your time.”

Yukari snivelled as tears started creeping out of her eyes. She rubbed her eyes but that only made the crying worse. Her mother grabbed her arm and pushed it down.

“Are you going to explain it to me?”

Yukari cried louder. “I’m sorry! I can’t help it. I didn’t want you to know.”

Her mother leaned backwards. “Know what? Are you trying to tell me… I don’t remember raising a homosexual. And what about your boyfriend? What’s his name?”

“I’m not a ‘homosexual’. I’m… I-I’m… Oh God, I didn’t want to tell you this. I’m… bisexual. I… broke up with Roro because I...liked another girl.” She murmured the last part but her mother seemed to hear it.

He mother put her hands on the steering wheel with a tight grip. She licked her teeth with her mouth closed.

“Don’t go… telling other people, okay? I’m not against homosexuals but… it’s not exactly something you need to parade around. Does anyone else know?”

“Roro.”

Her mother’s face went lily-white. “I see.” The two were silent on the way home. Yukari looked out the window, saw a speed limit sign and noticed how slow the car was moving. She almost missed the speed at which IA drove.

At home, Yukari lied down in bed and rubbed her runny nose. After getting some tissues, she took out her phone and the piece of paper.

She was about to name the contact number ‘IA’ but remembered what IA said.

_ “It has to be secret, though.” _

_ It has to be secret. _

_ Secret. _

She decided to name the contact ‘Ichiko’. She was the first girl she fell for and the name started with ‘I’.

She spent almost five minutes thinking of what her first message should be.

Eventually, she settled on something simple.

_ Hey, it’s Yukari. Can’t wait to see you. _

Yukari hugged her pillow to contain her giddiness. This feeling quickly gave way to worry. Did she sound too desperate?

IA responded later that night.

_ Hey, beautiful. Same here. Btw, I just bought ‘ANOTHER’ lesbian romance novel and so far it’s ‘AMAZING’. I’ll lend it to you when I’m done with it.  _

Yukari chuckled at the way IA used quotation marks. The couple chatted about books until Yukari felt her eyelids start to get heavier.

As the next day appeared, Yukari stood by Roro’s desk while waiting for him to arrive. No one else had entered the classroom yet.

When he did, he ignored her and sat down.

“Um… Roro, can we talk?”

“What’s there to talk about?”

Yukari put her hand on his shoulder. “I want to be friends. You know, like we used to be.”

Roro said nothing, circling a dent in his desk with his finger. Yukari bit the inside of her cheek in thought.

“I’m really sorry. I just thought It would have hurt more if I led you on and pretended to still like you.”

“You did lead me on, though. Do you know how it feels to know that someone you really like was thinking about someone else behind your back?”

Yukari let go of him and looked at her hands as if they had blood on them.

“I… didn’t think about it that way. Is there any way you can forgive me?”

Roro rubbed his face up and down repeatedly from his cheek to the side of his eye. He looked at Yukari’s frown and felt his heart twist.

“Let me think about it. Just give me some time to grieve.”

Yukari gave him a soft smile before sitting in her own seat.

When Yukari told IA after school about Roro, a grin on her face, IA’s own smile was tiny. Deep lines appeared between her eyebrows, which were close together.

“Oh. Good. Great. Congratulations. Wonderful.”

Yukari’s smile dropped but she didn’t question those words.

IA immediately snapped out of her mood and gave Yukari a hug. 

“IA, remember…” Yukari hissed. IA let go and blushed.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I just couldn’t wait to see you.” She raised her voice to her normal volume. “Help me out with these books.”

Thankfully, IA didn’t wink this time. Yukari followed her into the office.

IA grabbed her hand. “So what do you want to do after I close the library?” She brushed her hand with her thumb. Yukari looked at their intertwining fingers with pink cheeks. The corners of her mouth rose.

“Can we just hang out at your place? I like your apartment. It smells of books.”

“Um… okay.” IA couldn’t help but giggle at the request. “We can watch TV. Uh, what time do you need to be back?”

“If I’m home by 7, I should be fine.”

IA looked at her watch and nodded. She moved her hand from Yukari’s hand to Yukari’s cheek, stroking it with her thumb. She only did this for a second before stepping back and pulling out several books for Yukari to carry.

At IA’s apartment, the couple sat on the couch and watched a few episodes of a TV show. Yukari couldn’t tell what the show was about. She was too busy feeling her skin heat up when IA grabbed her hand and rested her head on her shoulder.

A large part of Yukari’s mind screamed, ‘Kiss me!’ She almost kissed IA herself but the rest of her mind was reminded of a rule she read in a magazine when she was around 10.

_ If you try to kiss on the first date, you’re likely to scare your date off. _

As Yukari stared at the bookshelves rather than the television, a question popped into her head.

“IA, what made you decide to be a librarian?”

IA rolled her shoulders back as if she was using them to turn back time or at least remember her past.

“Well, I always wanted to own my own little bookshop. It would be called ‘Cloudrider Book Emporium’. You know, since reading books is like entering a dream world.” She laughed nervously and rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand. “I was a stupid kid. I wanted it to focus on fantasy and science fiction books since those take you to another world,”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Do you really think I’m the kind of person who could handle a business? I chose the next best option, which was being a librarian. So, what do you want to do when you leave school?”

Yukari shrugged. She figured her parents would tell her which university they wanted her to attend. And what course she would study. And what job she would have.

“I’m sure a smart girl like you’ll be able to get a job you want,” IA said, nuzzling her head into Yukari’s shoulder.

“Well, I’m sure if you found the right assistant, you could make your business a reality. It sounds really cute.”

IA giggled again but, judging by her red cheeks, this was more out of embarrassment than amusement. Yukari tilted her head until it was touching IA’s. They watched the rest of the episode in comfortable silence.

IA and Yukari made a routine out of this, watching television after school every day. Sometimes IA would put some popcorn in the microwave and put way too much salt in the bag. Whenever she did this, she would tell Yukari about her ideas for new popcorn flavours, ranging from steak to eggplant. Yukari always found herself laughing at each new idea.

Two weeks later, Roro shuffled up to Yukari. With a closed mouth he licked down the inside of his cheek for a second, his eyes not meeting hers. He then sighed.

“Look, I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier. It would be nice to go back to how things were. Is it too late for us to be friends?”

Yukari shook her head and reached to give him a big hug, almost pouncing on him. He stepped back in shock.

“Um, since when do you initiate a hug like that?” he asked in a voice that made it seem like he was about to laugh.

Yukari’s eyes became the size of records. IA’s response to the question about her speeding habit played through her mind.

She could come up with no reply for Roro. She just stood there, dumbfounded and with the colour pink splashed onto her cheeks.

Roro chuckled. “Geez, you see a ghost or something?” He noticed her cheeks. “Was it a sexy ghost?”

Yukari snapped out of her surprised state and lightly slapped him on the arm. The two joked around until class started.

A week later, Yukari brought Roro to the library, telling him about her new relationship along the way.

Roro’s stance was a little tenser than before, but he put on a smile. 

So did IA when Yukari introduced her to Roro. Her eyebrows were furrowed, but a smile was technically on her face.

“Um… nice to meet you, Mister Yuma.”

Yukari patted Roro’s back. “I need to find a book for class. I’ll be back.” She left the two, who stared at each other in silence. IA eventually dropped the smile.

“So you’re the guy who made her cry, huh?”

Roro took a step back and averted her stone-cold gaze. 

“You don’t think I cried too?”

“Oh, I’m not saying you didn’t. It’s great that you finally came around and became her friend again.”

Roro looked like he just ate a lemon. “Yes. I ‘finally’ did.”

“Are you over her yet?”

“I… don’t see how that’s important.”

IA saw Yukari turn around and wave. She put the smile back on.

“Well, you seem like a nice guy. I’d hate for you to live with unrequited feelings. I know how that feels.” As she continued speaking, she took a few books from the returns box and slammed them on top of each other to create a stack. “Just… don’t do anything to make her cry again, okay? I’m sure you’re smart enough to not make the same mistake twice.”

Roro finally allowed himself to look at her, and he did so with flames in his eyes. Their gazes were fierce enough to make it seem like there should be a spark of lightning worthy of scaring Zeus appearing between them.

“Well, since you’re a librarian, I’m guessing you’re smart enough to learn from others’ mistakes.”

Yukari headed back to them. Before she could greet them again, Roro stormed out of the library. Yukari looked at the IA, then the door, then IA again.

IA sat by her desk and began scanning students’ borrowed books, forgetting to muster up a smile. Her jaw was clenched and her eyes were narrow as they looked down.

“I-IA?” was all Yukari could say. Who was this person in front of her?

IA was back to normal that night and every night for the next few weeks. One night, IA asked Yukari what her parents were like. It took a while for Yukari to figure out the answer.

“Well, they’re the kind of parents who are around you when they want you to do well in school but don’t care about anything else so they leave you to do whatever you want outside of study time. I don’t really talk to them much.”

IA instinctively gave her a hug. Yukari didn’t cry, but a big grin crept onto her face as she heard IA’s heartbeat speed up.

The two looked at each other and inched closer. IA caressed Yukari’s cheek.

“Can I… kiss you?”

Yukari nodded and closed her eyes. IA’s lips were as soft as feathers, almost tickling Yukari’s own lips.

The couple chuckled. “That was our first kiss, wasn’t it?” IA asked. 

A later night, Yukari asked if they could hang out with Roro one day. IA nodded her head with creased eyes and the smile of a lemon sucker.

Roro grimaced at the offer but agreed to join them, and the three went to a park on a Sunday afternoon. IA brought a picnic basket and a blanket, or rather she bought a picnic basket and blanket for the occasion. Roro brought three store-bought bento boxes.

Together they chatted and ate like there was no animosity between them. However, when Yukari left the blanket to pat a dog, the glares returned.

“She’s changed since dating you,” Roro remarked.

IA ripped the tail off a fried prawn. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Not bad. Just… different.”

Silence.

Roro eventually continued. “You didn’t try to change her, did you?”

IA dropped her prawn and curled her hands into fists.

“Why would I want to do that? She’s wonderful. As much as I’d like to grow alongside her, I still want the core of her to remain. A good relationship won’t completely alter you, only improve you.” She picked up her prawn again and took a bite. “But that’s something adults figure out, so it’s not surprising if you don’t know that yet,” she said with the food still in her mouth.

Roro stood up. “If you’re so much more mature than me, then you’re clearly too mature for Yukari.”

IA stood up as well. “She’s certainly more mature than you. What’s your problem?”

“What’s your problem?” Roro shouted.

Yukari ran back after hearing this. “What’s going on?”

The other two ignored her. “Well sorry for thinking it’s a little strange that my girlfriend wants to spend time with both me and her ex!”

“Well sorry for being ‘mature’ enough to stay friends with people after a breakup!”

“So you can worm your way back into her heart.”

“You’re pathetic. Calm your tits before throwing around accusations!”

“Enough!” Yukari yelled. She turned to IA. “I thought you trusted me.”

IA gestured to Roro. “How can I trust you around this guy when I know you’re bisexual?”

That last word caused a few people in the park to stare at them, including a teacher from Yukari’s school. Yukari froze, her eyes wide and her mouth open.

She eventually closed her eyes as they started to spit out tear after tear. IA felt as if someone had grabbed her heart and treated it like playdough, but before she could apologise, Yukari picked up her handbag and ran away.

IA tried to apologise over text that night but Yukari refused to reply, instead choosing to cry into her pillow.

The next day, the teacher from the park told IA that the Principal wanted to speak to her.

The Principal showed her security footage showing her taking Yukari to her car. She was told to pack her things. That night she ended up staining her pillow with tears as well.

However, the image of Yukari’s smile made her feel bittersweet, which she considered an improvement over the soul-crushing sadness of the situation. 

She abruptly sat up. Yukari’s words played over and over.

_ “You could make your business a reality.” _

The next morning she headed to a bookstore and headed to the economics section.

Yukari still hung out with Roro, but it just wasn’t the same as before. The jokes started becoming less and less frequent. It remained this way until exams.

Just before the final exams, IA spotted Roro heading home from school and stopped her car, rolling down the window a little.

“Mister Yuma, can I speak to you for a sec?”

Roro continued walking for a bit and IA followed him. “Please. You deserve an apology.”

Roro stopped and glared at her. “And what about Yukari?”

“I just haven’t built up the courage for that yet.”

“So I’m supposed to be your guinea pig so you can know how to get her back on your side?”

IA looked down at the concrete next to the car, her hand folded over the top of the remaining glass window. 

“I don’t think she’s going to be on my side. I don’t think she’s going to forgive me and even if she did, she probably won’t forget. If I can make myself say sorry and let her know how much I mean that apology, that’s enough.”

Roro saw IA’s expression and felt as if a hole in his heart has been patched up. He felt freed from some mysterious force as soon as he realised that he would not have worn that expression if he was in her shoes.

“So I noticed you’re not in the library anymore,” Roro said. “What happened?”

“Oh, I’m making plans for a bookstore business I want to create.”

“How’s that going for you?”

IA laughed. “Not super great, to be honest. I really need some people to help me since I hardly know anything about budgeting or planning. I don’t have any employers. I want to make an international online store but my English is a little rusty.”

Roro stroked his chin. “Huh. Have you thought about hiring some people who are good at different languages?”

IA rubbed the back of her neck. “I didn’t think to do that. Thanks for the tip. Um, goodbye, and once again I’m sorry.” She drove off. When Roro arrived home, instead of procrastinating like he expected to do he went straight into studying for the exams.

Graduation rolled around, and after the ceremony, Yukari and her parents passed a building available for lease. IA was standing in front of it and tapping her chin. When she saw Yukari she beamed at her.

“Yukari! Can I speak to you?”

Yukari continued walking. Her mother asked her who it was and Yukari didn’t answer.

“I won’t ask for anything, I just think you deserve to hear me say sorry,” IA pleaded her.

Yukari stopped and turned around. She told her parents to wait there as she walked back to IA.

She crossed her arms. “I must say it was unexpected. That day it was like you were a completely different person.”

“It was the same me, just a crappy side of me. I was just…” IA began to tear up. “I was so scared that you’d leave me for someone else like you did to Roro.” She shook her head. “No, I shouldn’t give excuses. I was an insecure idiot and I ruined everything. I love you and someone who’s in love with someone shouldn’t treat the other person like that. So, um, goodbye. I hope you find someone wonderful who doesn’t have a terrible side to them.”

Yukari rubbed her lips together in thought. IA waited patiently for Yukari to return to her parents. Yukari remembered a message she received before exams.

_ The other day IA apologised to me. Has she said sorry to you yet? She said she was going to- Roro row your boat _

She grabbed IA’s hand, causing her to stare at her like she’d grown a second head.

“I doubt anyone is perfect and has no terrible side to them. They just learn to keep it in check. Just… don’t use my sexuality as an insult ever again.”

“Roger that. I’m such as idiot.”

“I’ll… I’ll message you tonight. You have one more shot. No third strikes. I’m only giving you two.”

IA nodded. “I look forward to redeeming myself.” She almost gave her a kiss but then she remembered that Yukari’s parents were standing there.

Yukari managed to get into university and, with the permission of her parents, changed her course to Business. IA had told her about the bookstore and Yukari jumped at the idea.

Roro got a high score in English for the first time in a while and used that knowledge to help with the building of the bookstore website.

IA still felt jealous whenever Yukari was hanging out with someone else, but she learned to control her feelings by reminding herself that Yukari loved her. The store took a while to gain customers, so IA was by herself a lot of the time and she used that time to reflect on her previous mistakes.

About a month into Yukari’s first year at university, she introduced IA to her parents. They were a little worried until they saw the way IA’s eyes sparkled whenever she talked about their daughter.

After classes, Yukari helped out at the store, so sometimes it wasn’t just IA and the books. Sometimes it was her, the books and the adorable bookworm she fell in love with.


End file.
